Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Fifty Shades of Fun or Mommy Porn?


There is a phenomenon that is sweeping the nation.  It is like Harry Potter for moms, single ladies, and pretty much anyone with a double X chromosome.  I predict that this obsession will be as big as the Twilight series, and bigger than The Hunger Games.  
It's name is Fifty Shades of Grey by author, E L James, and husbands, you better check her bedside table, and look under the bed because, like it or not, Christian Grey will probably being making an appearance in your bedroom soon.  

Men, here are the warning signs that Mr. Grey is near: 
1.)  A silver tie mysteriously appears in your closet.
2.) Your wife trades her granny panties and holey t-shirts for pretty underwear and actual pajamas that grandmothers do not wear.
3.) Your wife looks sleepy all the time because she stays up until 12 am (or later) reading on her ipad or Kindle.
4.) Your wife is suddenly willing to "experiment in the bedroom"... crazy stuff like more than one position!! 
5.)  She starts dropping expressions like, "Laters, baby!" or "We aim to please!" and starts calling you Mr. or Sir.

Do not panic!! Just roll with it.  And for the love of God, go get yourself a copy of the book.  Okay, so most men I know don't read for fun.  Get the audio version and listen on your way to work.  She will love you for it and you will be justly rewarded, I'm sure.
Like thousands of women across the country (okay, world) I am currently reading the Fifty Shades Trilogy... and loving it.  Let me just add this disclaimer: it is not for the conservative, lights out kind of lady.  It is completely inappropriate for your teenage daughter to be reading... God help us. Oh yeah, and the first two chapters are pretty horribly written.  There are a whole lot of "Jeez!", "Oh, my!", "Wow!", and other equally thrilling exclamations.  And the lip biting, gasping, hooded stares, and dramatic sighs go on and on...
But midway through book one, something happens.  No matter how old you are, and how long it's been since you fell in love, you remember.  You remember what it was like to wake up the morning after a date with your man and relive a kiss that was so powerful that just the thought of it makes your stomach drop.  Are you with me? 
You remember what it was like when you and your man used to text or call during the day about more than just bringing home diapers or a gallon of milk.  You remember the way you used to feel knowing that he was going home with you at the end of the night.  You remember how proud you felt to be on his arm, knowing that he was only looking at you in a crowded room.  Yes, you used to be eye candy!!
I know that this book is controversial.  In fact, I probably would not be proud to recommend this book to someone I go to church with.  But, let me hop on my high horse and take issue with one criticism for a sec.  
I really hate the "mommy porn" label this trilogy has gotten.  So I looked up Webster's definition of pornography.  

 Definition of PORNOGRAPHY
1
: the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement
2
: material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement 
Okay, so it fits the "depiction of erotic behavior" description.  I'll give you that.  But, come on! Pornography as it applies to today's society?  Really?! 
Whew.   Deep breaths.  Here is my definition of pornography:  a visual, graphic depiction of a sexual act (typically nothing any sane female would participate in) that may be painful, demoralizing, and degrades the human beings involved in such a way that is damaging to their bodies and sense of self worth.  The women who are involved in such pornography may be willing, but don't kid yourself into thinking they ended up in that life just for kicks.  No one says, "I want to be a porn star when I grow up." It is very hard to find accurate statistics on people in the adult film industry, but it is estimated that up to 80% of the women in this industry were sexually abused as children.  Basically, viewers are getting off on someone else's misery.  
Forgive the estrogen fueled rant, please. 
I think an adult, romantic novel like the Fifty Shades series can be a blast of fresh air for married people who love each other but have lost a little of their spark while wading through piles of dirty diapers and bills.  How exciting it is to see your spouse through the pair of rose colored glasses that you wore when you looked at each other ten years ago (before the little aliens arrived).   I can only speak for myself, but I'm almost finished with book two of the series, and I am digging on Hubby in a way that has me ready to dust off my pumps and dig out the lingerie I haven't worn since...um...college? 
Controversy is usually fueled by fear.  Maybe the fear is that house wives across America will hire a babysitter and run out looking for the nearest  twenty- something, Christian Grey (main character) look alike.  
"Sayonara, Hubby!!" 
But let me tell you that this is not the way most of us work.  You see, a lot of us females are still romantic creatures at heart.  We are looking for a happy ending at home, with our husbands.  None of us dreams of one day becoming a cougar.  Am I right ladies?
That is the beauty of a woman's heart.  If you make just the teensiest bit of effort to win her over, she will remember why she fell in love with you.  And she will be yours all over again. 
Just read the damn book! 

3 comments:

  1. Oh Miss Kate,
    I think you summed up this trilogy perfectly! I cannot tell you how much I loved reading it and how very down I feel that it's over. So down in fact that I picked up book 1 again today to start over. Just can't get enough! And it has done wonders for my love life. Just like you said--it has reminded me of all the reasons I fell in love with my husband in the first place!! I am seeing him once more for the sexy, confidant and delicious man I fell head over heals in love with 17 years ago. And yes..I want to be sexy for him too with matching bras and panties and details I used to care about that caught his eye! I too recommend this book for any couples who have gotten caught up in the monotony of parenthood and the day to day routine. Get this book and find your inner Goddess again!

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  2. Thank you!! I needed a push to start reading them and after listening to you rave and reading your post "50 shades of Pink" I was hooked. Your always my pop culture guide! ;)

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  3. I have to get this...I must read...

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