Friday, June 15, 2012

When I Grow Up...

Here are the three bumble bees.  That name suits them perfectly because they never stop buzzing unless they are asleep.  Even as I tuck Savannah and Lilah into their shared pink bed, they are still going a hundred miles an hour; Savannah asking me why her hair is brown, where we go when we die, and how many days until we go to Disney World, while Lilah is thinking about all the things she'd like to tell God tonight..."Thanks for this nail polish, but it's starting to chip, so could we please repaint them tomorrow?" The ham in the middle is their cousin Laine, who is never far from the action.  She is quite a character! The other day I accidentally stepped on her foot, and she went home and told Mommy, "You see this? See it?! That is what your friend Auntie Kate did to my foot!!"

They are more than enough to keep a girl busy.  But lately, I have been having an identity crisis of sorts.  It happens to the best of us.  I felt this overwhelming urge to have another child.  Like this biological desire to have more kids, but my head kept telling me, "That's crazy! You can't afford one! Like your husband isn't stressed out enough already!" Let me just add a footnote and say that even if we give it the old college try, it is really hard for us to get pregnant.  It works best when there are laboratory instruments, injections, awkward ultrasounds, and enough hormones to impregnate a horse involved. But since we were lacking...oh...say ten grand, we tried for awhile on our own.  Or I should say, I tried real hard and poor Hubby just went along for the ride because he would do anything for me.  If it weren't for my reproductively challenged body, I'd be like Michelle Dugger, only really grumpy and minus the homeschooling. 

But I never stopped to ask God what he thought of my plans.  And I never really considered what Hubby thought about them either.  It's a given that he would love a basketball team of kids, just like me, but he is the one who has always been the grown up in our relationship.  He says annoying stuff like, "Maybe we should pray about it before jumping in." or "Maybe we should work on our credit card debt first." Ugh!! Are you implying that I don't know best?! Rude.

Poor guy.

So this month, when my grand plans did not work out, (shocker!) I tried something new.   I lay in bed and said, "Thank you." Thank you because His plans are so much better than mine.  Then I told Hubby that I was ready to get off this crazy train, and he breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Thank God." Isn't it amazing to be loved so well that someone would willingly sacrifice their own wants and needs just to make you happy? But that's not the way that love should be.  It's my job to look out for him, and his job to look out for me.  Hubby never learned to take care of himself (basic human needs like food, water, and sleep elude him).  I however am an expert at self preservation (people, I could teach a course on it) so I have to offer him some encouragement in this department.

Where does that leave me now? Well, if God wants us to have another child, He'll just have to divinely intervene and make it happen.  We sure don't do anything to stop Him.  My heart tells me that this is it, and two perfect babies are all we get.  

By the way, if I were reading this six years ago, when the odds were stacked against us ever conceiving, I would have punched this blogger in the face.  Really, lady? Two healthy little girls aren't enough of a miracle for you.  But, really.  Do miracles ever get old?  Do we ever say "Oh! None for me, thanks.  I've had my miracle quota for this life."  

My mama taught me that instead of moping about what you can't have, you make a new plan.  So that's what I've been up to.  It is multifaceted and quite intelligent so let me break it down for you:

1.) Pay attention to what your husband needs.  He, after all, is a member of this household too, Your Excellency.  
2.) Introduce yourself to God again.  Hello, remember me? This may begin by singing a few songs in the car and talking to him BEFORE you are about to slip into an unconscious state.  
3.) Redefine your future as a woman.  You WILL sing at a church again.  You WILL either get your Doula certification or Kindermusic certification within the next year. 
4.) Quit trying to shove stuff that won't fit into a God shaped hole. You'll always wind up empty. 

 Yesterday, I met a woman who has six children and went back to school to get her esthetician certification at the age of 37.  Now she owns her own business.  I am fascinated by women who reinvent themselves after thirty.  My own mother paved the way for me by going back to work in her fifties after a twenty five year hiatus (it just took that long to raise us).  Now, my Dad cleans house and cooks, while she works full time.  

What is your plan going to be?  Who do you want to become?  I am dying to know so drop me a line!


  1. The other night at work my co workers and I were talking about our "dream jobs".... I wasn't sure about mine because two dream jobs come to mind (for when I grow up: ) staying home with the kids ...and one day owning a boutique/coffee shop. I imagine myself going to work everyday really happy, talking to everyone that comes in, choosing pieces of jewelry and clothing and children items to display and having friends stop by.

    Of coarse in a better economy our dreams might work out....(:

    For now let's be happy with ALL that we have....

    1. Marcela, you have impeccable taste, and I pray that one day you get to do it!! But, you are right...we have SO much to be thankful for and I am trying to remember every precious moment.

  2. Growing up, I always wanted to be a neonatal specialist. I went to college, fell in love, and didn't go to medical school. I had always dreamed of becoming a mother, also. I have no idea how I could be a neonatal specialist and a mother to the crew I have. I suppose God knew the plan for me. However, when I grow up, I still plan to work in neonatal care in some way.

    I've been doing a Proverbs 31 woman Bible study. Let me tell ya, I have a long way to go with loving my husband and respecting his wishes. Overall, though, we have always pretty much agreed for the most part and he loves me enough to forgive/accept the times that I do something because I want to. Thankfully, God loves us enough to forgive us too! :)

    1. Lena, I have heard that there are a lot of hospitals who need volunteers to come in and rock the sick or premature babies in the neonatal unit. I'll bet you would be so perfect for this! So in all of your spare time...hmmm...what to should look into this! LOL!
      But you are right; God has you exactly where he wants you right at this moment. I may wonder about His plans for me in the future, but I know that this is true.