A few weeks back I was feeling a little bitter and not so very grateful for my current self image, a.k.a. mom who wears work out clothes everyday even though she rarely works out. Basically, work out clothes for the elastic waistband. I do NOT however wear pants that have elastic around the ankles...um...at least not after 8 am. That is a whole other level of asexual mom attire. More important than than my apparel, I was feeling not so good about my lifestyle. When you are a stay at home mom, everyone tells you, "You're doing the most important job ever!" And somewhere in my brain, I understand and believe that. After all, my choices today and every day determine how much money my children will one day spend on therapy. Noooo pressure! The thing is though...when you are doing the mom around the clock thing, you run the risk of losing yourself a bit. One day you wake up and think, "Does anyone really care if I clean the counter tops today? Couldn't we just have sandwiches for dinner one more night?" Pretty soon, you realize that you don't care.
You begin to feel like nothing you are doing really matters very much.
You see, I did not know I would feel this way. This is my first time having children in school from 8-3 pm. I imagined doing all sorts of important volunteer work and having lots of contact with other moms; the kind where we all pat each other on the back for being so great at this mom stuff. At the end of each day, my husband would walk spiritedly through the front door and say, "Gee, babe! You sure are a good cook. That must have taken awhile!" Not so much.
So I did what I do so well when I am desperate. I began to pray! On my evening walks with Mr. Freddy (the schnauzer) I asked God to use me here, right now, to serve His purposes. To give me the kind of joy and peace that only comes with serving others. I made the argument that although I am just a fickle woman who is not always attentive to Him, He could still use me. Just look at all those hot messes He put to work in the Bible. I was in desperate of need of a sense of purpose beyond my house and family.
Why am I always amazed that there is someone out there listening? You'd think I'd have a little more faith by now.
Here is what has happened in the last week. I finally worked up the courage to introduce myself to the senior pastor at our mega church. He immediately put me in contact with someone who heads up the music/production side of worship. This Sunday at 6:30 am, I will be meeting the production team for the first time.
Next, I get an email from a local pregnancy center that needs client advocates who can give women pregnancy tests, talk to them about their options, attend their first ultrasound, and just generally love on them. My friends know that I love to help pregnant ladies like Honey Boo Boo loves to put dresses on her pig, Glitzy. I am really hopeful about this one.
Finally, the music teacher at my daughter's elementary school asking me to come in every day to help teach the fifth graders their music for the Christmas Concert. She is one of the greatest music teachers I have ever known and it is a privilege to help her. This is a great connection to have if I reenter the work force as a music teacher.
Who knows where any of this may lead? Tomorrow I could be back at square one again, trying to figure out what to do with my life. But, for today, even if it's only for today, my cup runneth over. Thank you, God, for this moment, for this day, and for loving me enough to listen and put me to work.
Matthew 7:7
"Keep asking, and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find. Keep knocking, and the door will be opened for you."
"I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder." ~G.K. Chesterton
Here's hoping that you find find a little thanks and wonder in your day, friends. Start with the tiny things and eventually the big stuff will come.
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